Sorrow's Hold on Me
by Gummybear.Michaelis
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Fenir killed Lavander Brown and not any other girl? What if he killed her in order to get revenge? To make the man that made his life miserable ever since that day suffer? This is an alternative ending to Fenir's story and the why he killed Lavander. Warnings inside!


**Warnings: Character death. Lots of anger and a few signs of depression. Some dark thoughts. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fenir Greyback nor Harry Potter. I only own Minnah Lapierre. **

* * *

**Title: Sorrow's hold on Me**

* * *

_The cold wind is blowing;_

_Whipping us like a harsh soldier whips its prey before the killing,_

_Slapping our flesh with biting aggressiveness as we try to walk on forward._

_We then stumble, losing the inner battle we were fighting,_

_Crumpling to the ground as if we were nothing more_

_Than the very particles beneath our very fingers._

_Defeated, tired and so unbelievably useless,_

_I look into your slowly dulling eyes._

* * *

**May 1989- Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Last Battle. **

It was hard, waking up in the mornings and feel the warmth of the always shining sun rays upon his skin and breathe in the crisp, cool air of the mornings, feel the coolness of the bed sheets against his back, running through his body like an unforgiving blade that tore his very soul, while the one and only one that he'd ever shared more than a, meaningless, one night stand was not with him, at his side, smiling up at him and caressing his face with such tenderness. It was gone.

_Gone like the ashes that were once underneath his very feet, reminding him of his many sins. _

Everything that once was important to him now became meaningless things: _his pack…his wolf…his life… the war…His lord. _Everything meant nothing to him except the stabbing pain that coursed through his body every time he opened his eyes and never saw her, the bitter sobs he choked on and wracked his strong body, the never ending sorrow and anger and burning _Hate_.

His hate was the fuel that kept him going, his desire to kill and maim and rob the precious life and future of children; just like it had been done to _his _innocent child. His unborn child that _she _bore inside of _her very being_ for _three _lovely months before it was cruelly snatched away from his grasp by a wizard.

_A light wizard. _

The wizard had killed the two most precious things in his life. They had accepted it. He despised them for it. And they were going to pay.

How dare they touch what was his? Killing what was his? Taking from him what he most dearly kept close? Who gave them the right to?! Why did it have to be them?! Why them and not someone else?! Why were they gone?! Why?! WHY WAS IT THAT THE VERY BEINGS HE LEARNED TO LOVE AND TREASURE HAD TO BE SNATCHED AWAY!? WHY!?

Her smile…her beautiful smile he was not going to see anymore. Her dimpled and beautiful smile… Her small body curled up against his as her small, soft hands caressed him tenderly, lovely. Her sweet smell and scent…Her chocolate brown eyes that shone with such brightness in them…Her musical laugh…Her soft hair…Her plump, pink lips…Her small three month old baby bump and the big smile that stretched over her mouth as her hands softly cradled her belly gently, lovingly…The red light of the Slicing Hex…Blood over her pale skin…Her luminous eyes widening in shock and pain…Horror…Blood everywhere…Tear stained face…Blood…Broken sobs…Blood…desperate hands grabbing at something that was there no more…Blood…

"_Fenir…Fenir!"_ she gasped, her arms blindly reaching for him wildly, so trustingly, pleadingly…

"_I love you, we love you…I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…Fenir, we love you, please..."_

An anguished scream escaped his lips as guilt and unbearable pain flooded his whole being. He should've been the one to die…he should've been the one saying those words, not her; them. He should've been the one to bleed to death, to have his entails sliced open…To have his life fly away from him…

His guilt and pain eventually subsided and with bloodshot eyes looked up towards the dark, starless sky and then vowed with venom dripping from his tone: "I shall avenge you, my dears, and I will not stop until it is their filthy blood staining these very same streets."

His amber eyes were watching, with sadistic glee and the never ending hate, the huge stone castle that stood behind the lake like a giant beacon of light and hope and where his next prey was currently staying, _Hogwarts, _as the dark clad men and woman with silver masks upon their faces swished their wands around with barely concealed glee running off their pores in giant waves of anticipation as the shield that surrounded the ancient building cracked and weakened with every hit.

After what felt like long, agonizing hours of waiting with a feral growl at the tip of his very tongue; the shield finally gave out.

A gleeful smile lighted up his features and without thinking about it twice he charged forward, wanting to feel the blood of his enemy running down his chin and fingers, staining the very being that was once so very worshiped by the only person who once upon a time cared.

* * *

_You're fading, like the laughter we once upon a time shared,_

_Like the happiness that used to fill our days; fading._

_Tears cloud the windows as I slowly, shakily, raise my hand to touch you._

_The sunshine warmth of your skin meets my fingers for a blissful moment_

_But then you start melting;_

_As if your very image was being slowly tainted by my own darkness,_

_Erased by the horror of our undying love._

* * *

_The rain was pouring down the heavens in big sheets of water, soaking clothes and the streets in mere seconds. He stood under the rain, letting it wash away his problems and loneliness if only for a little while. He felt whole, cold and somehow…tamer, distracted too as he watched wizards and wizards scramble their ways towards the nearest shelter to cover from the pouring rain. Fools._

_He felt calm and so did his inner monster; and if he dared to say so himself, he felt almost content. Almost. There was something big missing within him, something that made him feel hollow and incomplete. It was most disconcerting, really. His thoughts were interrupted when his amber colored eyes fell on a slightly shivering form covered in dirty rags that were once upon a time a robe. Immediately he felt his interest piqued. Upon closer inspection he noticed that the figure was a rather small (petit), skinny girl and she was looking up at the sky with a slightly puzzled frown on her face. But what intrigued him the most was the fact that she was standing under the rain, covered in rags and barefooted, getting soaked by the cold rain while everyone else, bar him and now her however, were running away to look for cover. It was…different, interesting. Her light brown hair was loose and dripping, a few strands sticking to her forehead in slight disarray. She raised her small, pale hand and watched as the drops fell onto her opened hand with some sort of understanding shinning in her luminous chocolate eyes. A slow smile appeared on her slightly full lips and he couldn't help but stare at her, marveling at the ethereal beauty she seemed to have, emanate. _

_Suddenly, the girl was looking right at him, her stunning chocolate eyes staring right at him, at his very soul and being in one simple burning look that made his skin tingle pleasantly and his blood to warm in his veins. Her smile widened slightly and Fenir was gifted with one of the most beautiful smiles he'd ever seen in his life. It was so full of…life, understanding and intelligence, of warmth and welcoming acceptance. _

'She was perfect.'

_Something inside of him clicked and gave a pleasant churn and he suddenly felt very warm. Even under the cold rain, he felt his body warm at the sight of the badly dressed girl, no lady he should say, that was standing a mere ten feet away from him and smiling. He felt the urge to touch her skin, to breathe in her scent, to whisper soothing words in her ears, to press his lips against hers…to simply possess her and show her the world. To protect her from the world's harm. This revelation shocked him but he accepted it in stride, knowing that it would have an important meaning sometime in the future (even if he didn't understand it at the moment). And so, without even noticing he found himself walking towards her and before he knew it he was standing besides the girl, watching the rain and breathing in the enticing scent that she seemed to have on her person._

"_Your amber eyes are awfully stunning." She said after long minutes of silence with that smile of hers and Fenir, for the first time in ages, felt himself blush under the sudden attention that she bestowed on him. For a while, he didn't answer, too shocked and unsure of how to reply; thing that made the girl chuckle slightly, musically almost, in amusement. The werewolf felt himself flush redder, this time in slight embarrassment._

_And that was the start of the most amazing relationship he'd ever had. _

_0000_

_Many months had passed since that slightly odd encounter with the very same girl that was sitting besides his very uncomfortable, if slightly squirming, form. The past months had been amazing, if slightly awkward for Fenir, but nevertheless amazing. She had showed him kindness, patience, confidence, respect, acceptance and love in ways that no one had even bothered to. It was really refreshing to have someone at his side that could compliment him so very well. That did not mean that he was a good man. _

_No._

_He was still the same blood thirsty bastard, who craved to see blood and death, who craved to inflict pain and anguish on innocent people and who craved the feel of the Dark Lord's intoxicating magic. But she had this small, pleased smile on her face as her hand unconsciously flattened the beautiful emerald green dress robes that hugged her slim body perfectly, beautifully and Fenir Greyback, the monster and werewolf, couldn't help but envy those robes. She was really perfect for him; she was the complete opposite of him, loving, caring, gentle, patient, kind, accepting and so very beautiful. It was a miracle that she returned his feelings as passionately as she did. _

_Dang, he wished that he could hug her as those robes were, to mold his strong body to her small, curvy one. He really wished he could do as he pleased but he was afraid that he'd somehow hurt her or perhaps offend her; which was something that he would never be able to forgive himself if that ever happened. She was so very different from anyone he'd met that he couldn't help but love everything about her. _

_His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as his hand was grabbed by a small, feminine hand; hand that tugged at his strongly until his side was firmly pressed onto hers. Elation washed towards him and he dared take a peek at the object of his affections. He couldn't help the fluttery feeling that went rampant on his stomach. It was an odd sensation, but not unpleasant. _

'Mine.' _His wolf growled inside his head and Fenir couldn't help but agree. Minnah was his, forever and ever; and no one would take her away from him. Never. _

_As if reading his very thoughts, Minnah stopped walking and turned her bright, brown eyes towards his amber ones and then said with as much passion and conviction on her usually far away, if dreamy expression: "We belong to each other, as the sky belongs to the stars and the stars to the sky. We are meant to be, just like them are too. Never doubt or forget that." _

_And with that said, Fenir leaned down and captured her tantalizing lips in a fierce, possessive kiss that shook them away by the amazing force and loving the battle of wills. She really knew how to make him feel better, no matter if he had spoken it out loud or not. She was good at things like that. It was bliss, it was bliss surely. A bliss so bruising and intoxicating that made him crave for more. _

_0000_

_Hands roamed over sweating bodies and trembled in desperate need as a symphony of moans and grunts echoed in the dim room. Kisses and bites were bestowed upon skin and red, owning marks flared up in the pale expanse of flesh in beautiful, passionate patterns. Need coursed through their very veins and the need for release, the need to feel each other to the maximum ran on high. _

_Panting, grunting, moaning and simply falling into the deep void of the seemingly never ending pleasure, Fenir felt as if he were about to burst from the inside out. She felt wonderful underneath him, around him, underneath him. Her slim body seemed to be perfectly sculpted to mold his own and her soft touches, moans and cries of pleasure were everything he could think of. She was perfect. And he'd never felt like this before, this full of acceptance, understanding and love. Sure, he'd had several sexual exploits before he met her that day but they had been just that, sexual exploits, nothing more, and nothing less. But being with her, feeling her, smelling her, tasting her and hearing her moan his name out in that sinful musical voice of hers sent him into a high that he never wished to come down from. _

_If perfection had a name, it would be called Minnah Lapierre. _

"_Ughnn, Fenir...More." Her softly spoken demand rang through his brain like a mantra. Fenir's amber colored eyes fell upon her lust clouded chocolate brown ones and a pleasured gasp escaped his lips. He, with a gentleness only known by him and now her, he cradled her beautiful body against his and brushed his lips against her soft ones in an adoring chaste kiss. He then leaned back and pinned her with his tender stare. His hands caressed her softly, lovingly, knowing that she was the most important thing in his world and that nothing could surpass her. Minnah was his and his alone. _

_And with a soft, passionate whisper he said, "Your pleasure is my command…" _

_0000_

* * *

_You are screaming, I can hear you, telling me that you're sorry,_

_That you'd wished you could've been there sooner…_

_And telling me –No, screaming at me—to never forget about you…_

_And just like that you were gone._

* * *

Her smile was positively blinding.

_Fenir was sure of that and out of all of her many smiles, this was by far his favorite. She was beaming happily, her dimpled cheeks flushed red, and her brown bright eyes were far brighter than normal, there was also a barely noticeable bounce to her steps. She looked stunning, as always, and so incredibly happy but what he didn't know was the reason why she seemed so excited. She seemed to be looking for him eagerly and as soon as her chocolate eyes fell upon his figure, she quickly walked towards his person and threw herself at him, giggling happily as she did so. He gently wrapped his arms around her and proceeded to settle her on top of his lap. She wriggled a bit to get herself comfortable, never letting go of his neck and her smile never wavering._

"_And what, pray tell, has you so happy today, love?" The werewolf asked as he nuzzled his mate's neck lovingly. _

_Minnah chuckled slightly as she fixed her luminous eyes towards him. She took his hands in hers without breaking the eye contact. Taking a deep breath she said her smile widening all the more in her anticipation: "Our little pup shall be running and playing around with the other kids, laughing gleefully as he does so. Our puppy will be beautiful, love, and he will call you papa and love you as much as I love you." _

_For a while Fenir was confused, wondering about the words that his mate had just said. The words had not yet sunken into his brain and he felt confused. But when those words finally clicked into his brain his breath was taken away in no time. He couldn't believe it, not really. It was completely insane, it was a joke, it must be. But then again, his Minnah looked so positively excited, too much for it to be a lie. It was a genuine feeling and he knew that his love wouldn't lie about that. _

"_P-Papa?"_

_0000_

_The baby bump was now noticeable and the werewolf felt as if nothing could ever go wrong. He was at his happiest and thus felt invincible and strong, that as long as he had her and their baby by his side and safe he could defeat everything and anyone. _

If only he knew…

_They were currently walking in Knockturn Alley, their hands firmly clasped together and bright smiles on both on their faces. No one gave them second glances anymore, all of them being already used to the sight of Fenir walking around with a beautiful young and pregnant lady on his arm. For the people who frequented the Alley it was a completely normal sight so no one questioned it anymore. _

_The two of them were walking around, stopping every once in a while to enter a random baby store and buy a few things for their baby. Fenir's hands rested on her three month old baby bump and smiled slightly in pleasure and pride. That was his child, he thought proudly. He may not be the best human being but he decided to try and be the best father ever. He wanted to make his boy proud and his soon to be wife, of course. _

But his smile was to fade soon…

_It happened all so fast…._

_One second he was standing besides his beaming mate who wouldn't stop rubbing her slightly protruding belly and next thing he knew she was falling…He looked down, confused and flustered but when his amber eyes took in the sight that was before him, something within him shattered, broke into millions of tiny pieces that he knew would never get pieced back together. People were screaming and staring at the horrific scene with wide eyes full of anguish and shock. Fenir felt numb. He just kneeled there, looking down at his love in shock and not quite understanding what had actually happened as she desperately, hysterically touched her now bleeding and torn open abdomen. Her screams, sobs and pained pleads echoed inside his brain, assuring him that it was all the truth._

_Someone was cackling gleefully, saying vile things to him but he barely heard them, they were like a whisper, so far away and hard to listen to, but nothing mattered at the moment. Not until he could _do _something. Anything. _

" –_deserve to have such a precious gift! Dirty, mindless beings like you aren't supposed to find love; kindness, and those who give it to you deserve to die! Your little game is…" _

_Anger, anguish, confusion, shock, pain and sorrow filled his being and soul and he had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out in hysteria. He needed to be strong for his Mate, she needed his strength. He swallowed the lump that was rapidly growing in his throat and then said with a shaking voice as he picked up his love to cradle her torn open and small body towards his: "All is well, love, all is well. We'll be okay, calm down love. Calm." _

_His voice shook and cracked badly but he needed to do this. He needed to believe those words he had just spoken, even though something deep inside of him already whispered the ugly truth onto his ear. Minnah desperately grabbed onto his shirt, her hands bloody. Her eyes, oh her beautiful eyes, were full of tears and pain and sorrow and love and even though she was bloodied and covered in bitter tears of pain, she still looked beautiful for him. _

"_Fenir…" she gasped and sobbed in pain. "Fenir, please, please forgive me. Please, I beg of you, forgive me. I am sorry for leaving you in this cold, dark world alone. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! We are sorry…I love you Fenir, I love you so much."_

"_No." The werewolf chocked out, tears finally escaping his eyes. "No Minnah, please NO! Don't leave me, please! Please don't die, I beg of you, don't leave me all alone!" _

_A small smile crossed her lips and the man cried harder. How could she still smile so lovingly at him? How could she smile when she is here, bleeding to death? Her bloodied hand went up to his face and held it there, weakly wiping away the tears of the man she loved more than anything. With a weak tug she pulled him down and their lips met for their last kiss they'd ever share. Once they pulled away, she caressed him once more and then said in her lovely voice of bells and laughter, "I love you, my Fenir. We love you…"_

* * *

_I open my eyes, and see only darkness; the bitter reminder of my utter loneliness._

_There is nothing here, only the killer memories of happier times,_

_A few and a half millions of 'What if's'_

_And a distant, comforting light to keep me company._

* * *

A growl escaped his lips as tears clouded his vision. He was going too finish was he had been waiting for so long to accomplish. It took many years to come, but it is finally here. _His love was to be avenged at long last! _

Fenir would do what it took to pay the man back just as he'd done to him. He would take away what he loved the most, the treasure he denied him just like he'd done to Minnah and him, even if he had to die to accomplish it. He would crush him like a bug and he will wish that he'd never crossed me and mine. He was going to pay and he was going to deliver. It was simple. It was business. It was revenge.

He was going to feel what Fenir felt when they died, when he denied him the blessing of being a father. He would feel the sorrow he felt when he took away the only two things he'd ever lost.

The sounds of battle woke him from his thoughts and the smell of death and blood hit his nose like a refreshing summer breeze. He looked around him and smirked in pleasure. Light scum was falling down, falling like the pretty white snowflakes in the winter. It was a memorable day, that was for sure but alas, he was not to miss out of the fun.

Blood soon stained his hands and the unique taste of human flesh that had become something like a drug to him years ago was strong on his mouth. Her amber eyes were everywhere, intent on finding his prey. And after what seemed like hours of fighting off foolish Light Wizards that thought that they could defeat him with their little spells, he found _her_. She was fighting off an Acromantula and oh, how his hatred boiled in his veins when he looked at her. Without a second thought, he slammed the wizard he was fighting against the nearest pillar, successfully knocking him out before setting out to kill.

He pushed many people away, even those of his own team, in order to get quickly to the other side.

When he finally he got there, it was with a gleeful smirk that she saw him. Her light brown eyes widened in fear and Fenir was pleased by this immensely. His smirk widened all the more as he walked up to her and the girl stumbled backwards, hands trembling in fear. Managing her courage, she raised her wand and fired off a weak stunning spell at him and with a loud laugh he dodged it.

"Hello, girly. Your papa took something very precious from me and I vowed to make him repay me." The werewolf started conversationally.

"W-What's that h-has to do with m-me?" She asked, trembling and looking round wildly for a way out. Too bad there wasn't one.

"A lot…Actually, you're his payment."

The girl didn't even had time to scream for he was on her the next second. He felt exhilarated, eager to harm the girl of the one that dared take away what was his. His wolf came forth as he savagely sunk his fangs around the fragile neck of the girl and proceeded to tore it as much as he could manage. Her chocked screams and blood were like nectar to him and he felt drunk by just hearing it. He was taken down from his high by the high pitch scream of a girl.

"Lavander, no!" Before Fenir was blasted away and into a pile of rubbles.

The werewolf grunted in pain as his back collided with the rubble but he rolled over until he was staring up at the starlit sky. He was well hidden from any wizard or witch that wished to do him some harm and so could stare at the bright sky as long as he wished. The starts seemed to twinkle down at him and he couldn't help the crooked, watery smile that appeared on his mouth.

"I did it, love. I avenged you and our child; you can rest now…I love you."

He had done what was left for him to do; all that was left was for him to die. It would be a blessing to finally embrace the darkness and even perhaps, see his love, his Minnah once more. He closed his eyes to wait for Death, no matter how long it took. The darkness enclosed him and it was all peace.

Peace at last.

He could rest now…

Alone and waiting for that fateful moment in where he would go from this world and embrace the nothingness…

* * *

_But even then, in this darkness, I can still see your face._

_And hear your lovely whisper_

_Of the sacred words echoing in the vast distance…_

_By: _

* * *

**AN: Hiya. It's me again. So this fic wouldn't leave me alone for days so I decided to finally give it a go and write it. This was going to be longer but I was like "Bleh, I shall try a one shot." So ta-taaa~ A one shot it is! I really do hope you enjoy it. **

**I have been feeling kinda in love lately with Fenir, you know the one you imagine that is all handsome and so very interesting? Yeah, that one. I also am thinking of starting to read Harry/Fenir fics. I don't know...but yes. If you know a very good fic of that pairing, PM ME IMMEDIATELY! **

**Anyways, please tell me what you think. Please? You just have to click that button down there. :) Thank you once again. **


End file.
